Sunday, June 2, 2013

Feeling my feelings

Sad tonight.  Not totally sure why, but I have been isolating and not reaching out to my CR friends.
Need to get that fixed.  Old fears are creeping in.  Anger, resentment as to why my life has not turned out as I desired. Fear of living alone and also dying alone.  Who will care for me when I get older and sicker. Poor choices I've made...bla bla bla. What happened to that high energy, life-loving, happy girl I left behind at college?  Is she gone for good?  
Tomorrow is payroll day at work.  not difficult, just tedious. i am so buried and in over my head at work.  i walk in every day not knowing where/how to start, what to do first. i waste a lot of time that way.   
My health is totally out of control and my doc is ready to "fire" me.  I am not managing life or myself and things very well.  I guess getting a good night of sleep might help so I will sign off now. I pray for the strong desire to care for myself.  

June 2, 10:56 pm  Tomorrow will be better, my hope is in the Lord, who made heaven and earth. And Jack Owens Beekman, who took his first steps today.     

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